2018 was busy!
I feel like I accomplished a great deal, making progress toward my career goals and my health.
I finished the NTP program, certifying me officially as a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner! I graduated in late October, and took the rest of the year off (still working my day job of course) to reflect and prepare myself mentally for what this year will bring. I have a LOT of feelings about finishing this program. I was eager to get this certification because I knew that a credential in this field would jumpstart possibilities for me. I also felt that making that career shift probably depended on some level of credibility that went beyond listening to podcasts and reading everything I could get my hands on.
Now that I have the certification, I am overwhelmed. In essence, I have no excuses now. Before, I could tell myself, “Well, no one will listen to you unless you have a credential.” First things first. Now, I am the only thing holding myself back from this career change and I am scared and I am procrastinating. I have crippling self-doubt and fear of failure. I have concerns about being credible enough and about getting people to be interested in me and what I have to offer (ahem…imposter syndrome). I have a LOT of work to do before even getting a business up and running, logistically. I have made some moves, but I’m using this new year as a new start.
According to Gretchen Rubin’s habit framework, I am a Questioner, through and through. Generally, this means I more readily meet inner expectations but struggle to meet outer expectations. I ask a lot of questions, and must understand and support the reason for something before committing to the act, idea, etc. For some Questioners, the new year can be seen as an arbitrary date and therefore doesn’t spur change or resolutions necessarily. I like resolutions, myself. I like symbols of change, and maybe even writing the new number “19” is enough for it to feel like its a clean slate. I am making a “19 for 2019” list as suggested by Gretchen Rubin’s Happier podcast, and somehow I find it less overwhelming than choosing a single goal. I am also choosing a one-word mantra for this year- something to represent the theme and tone I want to set for 2019.
My theme is “Highlight.”
To highlight something means to call attention to it, to bring out the most important message and remember it. To let it sink in, internalize it. Similarly, when thinking back on “highlights” of 2019, it will refer to the bright spots that are worth remembering. The achievements, the parts that changed me for the better or just made me feel my best. The happy changes that are expected to occur, the trips, and the laughs. I am using this word as a reminder to myself of what my main goal for the year is, which is to realize (literally, make real) my dreams and intentions and to feel more authentic and purposeful by the end of the year. I thought about choosing “motivation,” “initiation,” or some form of those sentiments. For some reason I felt a weight on my shoulders with those words, though. I felt as if they put an immediate pressure on me that would be associated with guilt for not achieving milestones fast enough. “Highlight” was different. It feels airy, whimsical and hopeful. It fits just right. I want to highlight my passions, strengths, skills, purpose and self-worth.
I won’t share on here the boring details of each of my 19 for 2019 items, but many revolve around building a business (obtain an LLC, get insured, fix my website, etc). Of course, I can’t forget about reading more, house hunting, moving, and- oh yeah- having a baby! We are expecting for the second time in June! I will be busy again this year I suppose. I love the long list, though, because taking the focus off of one thing works better for me, while allowing me to shift from item to item and work on things at my own pace.
in 2018, I completed 10 of my 18 items. Not ideal, but this only serves to fuel my fire for this year.
2018 was busy!