Reaching out for help and support during my mastectomy journey was the best decision I ever made. As I approach the one-year mark since surgery (which was on 11/5/24), it warms my heart to reflect on this.
I know myself, and I know that I absorb the energy of the people around me, whether it’s positive or negative. If I had kept my news to myself, I would have felt like I was walking around with a huge secret. I am used to being an open book, so sharing from the jump allowed me to be myself. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have gotten the validation I needed for how I was feeling day-to-day, and ultimately, I would have felt much more alone in my recovery. To know that so many people were rooting for my success with this truly helped get me through it. I could FEEL the love- I really could!
Every single message and gift I received throughout the process brought grateful tears to my eyes. I was utterly overwhelmed by the support I was shown. People came out of the woodwork and from all walks of my life.
A big way that many of my loved ones showed up for me physically was by attending a pre-mastectomy party that I decided to throw for myself the weekend prior to my surgery. Tata to the tatas, if you will.
I thought of it as a “Surgery Shower,” similar to a baby or bridal shower. It was a way to have a bit of a last hurrah before I had to hunker down and recover for many weeks. It was also a way to share my story with my family and friends in person, which felt more intimate than social media updates (though those are a great way to stay connected as well)! All of this had come at us so fast, and I’m sure many people had questions that are better suited to an in-person conversation.
The party was lovely; we had a great turnout! I had such an amazing time catching up with friends and family, getting to share more about my decision and the surgery logistics with them in person, and receiving so many more gifts and offerings of food than I ever would have expected!
Cousin Mel, always showing up for me
People came with meals for me to freeze, recovery supplies, comfort items, adaptive clothing to account for my drains, and so, so much love and support. I keep saying it, but I am still blown away by all of it. And the food and gifts kept rolling in. Within a few days of returning home from the hospital, the coffee table was full of Amazon boxes and other deliveries that were gifted to us.
Never before this health scare have I ever felt more loved and appreciated. That may sound strange, but when you go through hard things, people tend to tell you about yourself. They tell you what they think of you, and they leave out the bad parts (which is ideal, of course). It’s interesting, because we don’t think these things about ourselves regularly, and people often don’t feel inclined to evaluate us to our faces without reason. I am proud of myself for making this decision, but I didn’t think of myself as brave or strong until people– many people– told me I was.
It helped to shape a positive view of myself as I went through the aftermath of my choice, because being helpless, weak, dizzy, swollen, and immobilized in bed did not reinforce me feeling very strong. Complaining about IV meds burning as they entered my arm didn’t make me feel very brave. But you all did.
We need to normalize Pre-Mastectomy Parties. We deserve the love, and our loved ones deserve a chance to show it. Sometimes the hardest part of these major surgeries is feeling like we are alone and that we don’t deserve help or attention. If we can only get past the desperate need to feel like we’ve got it all under control, we can open our hearts and hands to receive what we need to actually keep it all under control– and not just be pretending.
I thank all of you who were there for me, because as I was updating my condition after surgery through social media videos, you kept my head up. Sharing has turned out to be such a gift because I have received so much in exchange for letting you in.
I took no photos myself at the party, but my house was filled with my siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and old friends from summer camp and high school, and it filled my heart right up. That’s something I needed before heading into a scary surgery with an unknown outcome. There are many chances for complications with long surgeries like this, as well as for recovery challenges and even failed outcomes that can lead to further surgeries. It’s important to understand that the anxiety was high, because it made gathering my village that much more necessary and impactful.
My advice is to gather whoever you can around you during tough times, accept the help, and accept the love. It’s not always easy to do this, but the effort is well worth it.
Thanks for the mammaries,
xo Amy
The amazing cake my cousin Melissa made for the party