Dear Members of the Manosphere,
I want to start by talking about healthy romantic partnerships. A relationship where both parties contribute to the physical, emotional, and mental loads of making life work together is where real love grows. And yet, if I’m understanding correctly, you think that the goal is for a man to be considered “head of household,” lording decision-making and financial power over his (typically) female counterpart. In this world of heteronormativity and traditional gender roles, there is no room for male vulnerability, lest weakness be detected. Intellectualism, which can be important in making pragmatic decisions, leaves little room for hopes and dreams to be shared with a partner. I’ve heard you claim that this is “just biology.” I’d like to push back on that.
I want to ask what you want out of a relationship. You can tell me the obvious and superficial things, but I call bullshit if you claim you don’t want connection. Every human is wired to connect with other humans on a deeper level, even if you can’t or won’t articulate it that way.
Everyone wants to be loved and to be seen, and that requires real conversation and even occasional sharing of one’s feelings. Without it, a relationship is merely transactional. Superficial intimacy is exchanged for what? A roof over their head? Food on the table? Would you truthfully find meaning in a marriage like that?
If you are as smart as you think you are, you should know that true fulfillment comes from feeling loved for who you are at your core and not for how much money you bring home or how masculine you can present yourself. Does money solve a lot of problems? Sure, it does. But figuring out how to make more of it won’t help someone know you better. And being a real man is more than bench pressing and dominance. What I see when I hear you and your friends rambling on about women being inferior is a bunch of scared little boys grasping desperately for some semblance of self-importance. It’s not cute, and it’s definitely not masculine.
Foundations of equal contribution foster mutual respect, thus deepening the bonds in a relationship. I think the Tech Bros call this synergy? So I know y’all know what I’m talking about. Everyone can relate to being in a group or pairing of people where your ideas are bouncing off each other in the most productive ways, leading to breakthrough ideas and visions of grand progress. You, too, can achieve this level of connection within a romantic partnership, but it comes with a cost. You must be willing to see the other party as an equal, someone whose advice you would take, someone you may actually see as your better half.
It seems, however, that the only people those in the Manosphere respect are other men. In that case, if you truly find connection, belonging, and validation in your male-to-male interactions, then maybe that’s your answer to lifelong partnership! Maybe the Manosphere is where homoerotic fantasies play out. And if that’s the case, congrats, bros! You’ve found it! You’re gay! And contrary to your claimed beliefs, that’s completely okay. Stop lying to yourself and embrace what could give you the chance at lifelong happiness.
Your indoctrination into this narrow-minded view of heterosexuality being the “only way” was not your fault. What is your fault, is refusing to see past it to your truth. The hate in your hearts for those different from what you think is the ideal way to be is killing you. It’s perpetuating the lies and indoctrinating the next generation with your bigotry, when life could be easier if everyone just had a little self-acceptance and willingness to stay out of each other’s personal lives.
Who actually cares if you love a man instead of a woman? Because honestly, we know you don’t love women regardless. You see them as beneath you, pawns in your world, property, and the like. You see them as less intelligent and less capable than you. If all that’s true, then don’t bother with them! I promise, they’ll be better off, as will you.
Maybe if you accepted who you truly are and became someone who was happy and fulfilled in a way that didn’t demean or insult others in the process, we’d actually want you as a friend! Not you personally, because let’s be honest, you burned that bridge at this point. But sure, after some deep introspection and an apology tour, some lady out there in the future would love you as her gay bestie, and I love that for both of you.
Okay, okay, I’m willing to entertain the concept that you’re not ALL gay. That feels unlikely, statistically, with the amount of reach red-pilling has these days. If that’s the case here and you’re a straight man in the Manosphere, wake up, dude. You won’t melt if you contribute to the household in non-monetary ways. In fact, you’re likely to get more frequent, consensual sex if you show your female partner that you appreciate and respect her. That intimacy may lead to children, with whom you will still be on speaking terms with as adults if you show up for them when they’re growing up.
If a “Kumbaya” circle with a bunch of other white dudes wearing podcast headphones is your thing, that’s cool, I guess, as long as it’s consensual. But if you then turn on those mics to declare that women are beneath you and people can’t be who they are lest they get beaten, killed, or ostracized, you are a problem. Not just part of the problem, but pretty much the dead center of the problem.
Your obsession with what is in everyone else’s pants and what they do with whatever’s in those pants is weird. It feels diagnosable, actually. And like I said before, the origin of your beliefs isn’t your fault, because someone taught you to hate in this way. Someone ingrained in your brain that differences are scary and dangerous, and that your success depends on the misfortune and dragging down of others. That there is not possibly enough room at the summit for multiple viewpoints, skin colors, sexualities, and identities.
On the contrary, diversity is a beautiful thing, and no one is threatening your personal bloodline. You can choose to reproduce with whomever you want, keeping your blood just as you like it. What you are not entitled to do, though, is tell anyone else what they should do with their reproductive organs, and I mean that in all ways possible.
What exactly are you afraid of? Being an “inferior” race? Being the minority? I know you’re scared of being replaced, but apparently, you have twenty more years for that, so take a breath. Fearing being the minority means you recognize how difficult that must be. How it must be tough not being the “default,” to be oppressed, to be treated poorly because of the color of your skin. It’s like you almost get it. You’re painfully close to the empathy you claim to not believe in.
What if– and hear me out because this may sound crazy– you just don’t oppress those different from you, so that no one will feel the need to oppress you when the [debunked] “Great Replacement” happens? Hmm? Do you fear that you will be immediately captured when whites are outnumbered? That must be it. That you’ll not just lose your “superior” status, but that you’ll be physically harmed and have freedoms taken away at the hands of people who aren’t Caucasian.
I don’t know if this will help, but Black people don’t like slavery. They think it was wrong, inhumane, and abhorrent (as should all of us). Jewish people think their ancestors being caged and murdered for their ethnicity and religion was bad. Japanese Americans remember their family members who were placed in internment camps on U.S. soil for the mere fact of being from the country we were at war with at the time. These are just three marginalized groups who acknowledge the horrors of our not-so-distant history enough to denounce them.
I know it must feel to you that the best defense is a good offense, but no one is coming for you. They just want you to stop coming for them. So, invite your best dude over whom you’ve been secretly dreaming of at night. Or maybe do some chores at home and say thank you to your girlfriend or wife. What you don’t need to do is mind other people’s business, police other people’s bodies, and spread hate to the next generations. You’re kinda ruining shit for everyone.
You and your amazing free will can drop the façade- today! You can shake off the misogyny, anger, and ego, and actually build relationships with other humans who don’t have the same chromosomes or skin color. It’s possible, and while we will remain quite guarded should you choose to make these changes, in time you may be able to prove yourself worthy of mutual civility.
Come on over to the light side, it’s honestly way more chill and fun here.
Sincerely,
Amy
