I saw a post about a guy praising his mom for all she does for their family. His gf asked him what his mom likes to do for fun. He was perplexed. She asked what her favorite color is. He didn’t know.
It had never occurred to him that his mom is a person outside of her role of caretaker.
In light of this, I’d love to hear something about your mom that doesn’t involve her role of mom.
I started this thread last weekend and it has almost three thousand comments. Keep in mind, I am not well known over there (no blue check; I’m often shouting into the void). I know people often like a prompt where they get to share something about themselves on social media, but I wasn’t prepared for the outpouring of love in these comments for moms everywhere. It turns out, these adult children do know their moms. They’re nothing like the guy in the original story. Each person was excited to share what makes their mom unique outside of her motherly responsibilities.
There is a beautiful lesson here outside of just Love and appreciate your mom more. These moms being gushed about aren’t just cherished for loving the color red, for showing off their quilting skills, for keeping a gorgeous garden, or for laughing unabashedly. They’re loved for sharing what brings them joy with their family. These women did not dim themselves in motherhood; rather, their interests and hobbies enhanced their mothering.
They set an example for their kids to follow passions and pursue creative outlets, knowing intuitively that finding their joy is the best way to encourage their kids to do the same. These sons and (mostly) daughters were clearly proud of what their moms achieved outside of parenting. Many emphasized that their mom is or was their hero, best friend, and inspiration.
Today, being a mom of young kids can feel heavy. There’s pressure to do everything right: raise high achievers and elite athletes who are also kind, humble, and gracious, while we keep the world afloat through our careers.
It’s a lot.
Are we also showing our children how to find joy by example?
In the craziness of our everyday lives, are our kids getting to know us?
Many moms I know are barely keeping their heads above water with extra-curricular activities, sports, play dates, birthday parties, family obligations, and job responsibilities (myself included). On the other hand, the evolution of parenting styles have normalized more meaningful conversations about feelings, identities, and acceptance that weren’t always encouraged between parents and children.
While we are busier than ever, we are also more equipped than ever to establish this knowing with our children.
We can show them our worth is not based solely on what we can offer others. Not only for our own autonomy and dignity, but for our children’s future sense of identity as well. We would never want them getting lost in a relationship and sacrificing so much that they forget themselves.
I realize it’s uncool to tell other moms what to do, as if they aren’t equipped to come up with this themselves. I also think gentle reminders from like-minded women are helpful from time to time. Instead of suppressing the things that make us happy, we can reclaim them and set an example to our kids (and partners) that we deserve hobbies, too. We might just realize that our interests become theirs as well, and our joy for summer camp, or baseball, or sailing, or reading is amplified by getting to share it.
We are working hard to know our children and to make them feel safe sharing themselves with us.
Let’s not forget to share back.
xo, Amy
“To be loved we need to be known” -Tish Melton (singer/songwriter)
“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God” -Timothy Keller (pastor and author)