Recently, I read an article from Ryan Hennessey about not chasing wealth but chasing a life that is enough, not the excess but the exhale you feel when there’s enough money in the bank without having to check. That hit hard for me because it’s exactly what I want. Living a life that’s true to myself and my values while also giving me a hint of financial freedom sounds like bliss. But I must also caution myself against chasing a theoretical dream that could/would tie me to a system from which I am already trying to break free. I wouldn’t want to leave my full-time job in the name of freedom only to be working longer hours and to be compromising what’s important to me.
I have not had the opportunity to allow wealth to overcome my values (LOL- that is, I have not made any money from writing yet and most of my regular paycheck is designated for bills). However, I can see when you are trying to build something in order to make a better situation for yourself, you could get caught up in the process and the desire to make money because, well, that can certainly be a piece of making a better situation for yourself.
It seems that if I am able to, in fact, reach the goals I have and be happy about the results, I must commit myself to authenticity. And not the overused buzz-word version, but a real, genuine expression of myself and my thoughts that isn’t performing or worrying about appearances. It must come with humility, which isn’t always easy.
When I write, I go where my thoughts take me.
I try to write what I know. My more organized brain is often educating postpartum women on birth recovery and other new-parenting topics. My philosophical brain is sharing reflections on things that have happened to me which I believe could be helpful to others. And at other times, my stream-of-consciousness has a sudden epiphany that I have to ruminate on in writing (this article is the latter). I am fine to continue on any of these three paths (or deviate to another), but should I also consider what people want to hear about from me? After all, I can be as authentic as I want, but if people don’t want that content, I am S.O.L!
So, what do people want to read about?
Over the last six months of posting articles consistently and reading the work of other inspiring writers on Substack, it occurred to me that people are interested in the messy middle.
This refers to sharing things as they are happening, before we have them figured out. We hear so many stories of struggle or heartache after the fact, once they’ve been resolved and tied in a bow, lessons attached. But for me, it’s always been helpful to write while I’m still struggling. It is often what helps me reframe situations, see the light, and let go of things I’ve been harping on.
This era sweeping in where people are seeking real and raw stories could be great for me. I am a pretty open book.
Why would I even think I’d struggle with authenticity, then?
Here’s the thing: While I am honest and don’t think many areas of my psyche are off-limits, I admit that I instinctively want to put a shiny glaze over a story so that I look like I have things together, or to show a positive outlook, or to not be a downer. I am conscious to avoid appearing like a complainer. I also think instead of throwing what pops into my head on to the page I end up over-editing myself to use softer language for fear of criticism or offending people. I throw in caveats and disclaimers all over the place because of how the internet has gotten over the years with bullying and attacking even the most benign of opinions. In short, I haven’t been brave enough to block that out and just say what I mean.
In order to keep the pitchforks away I dimmed myself to please the masses and what do I have to show for it?
So far, not much.
I’m afraid, I guess. I have lots of opinions and a knack for being able to share my perspective on them, but going viral for the wrong reason is utterly terrifying. I also suck at marketing.
I want to continue to write what I know and seek authenticity in whatever ways I am capable of embodying it at the time. It’s likely that the more I write, the more truths will reveal themselves. I’m sure I will look back at earlier articles I wrote and cringe (even–and especially– this one). But that’s growth, I guess.
Now here’s my truest struggle with writing: when to shut the hell up. I tend to wander into subtopics and then have heavy cuts to make, sometimes diverting a tangent into a whole new article. I think I’ve done enough (or too much) with this one, so I shall take my own advice and skedaddle.
Thank you to everyone who reads my musings, especially if you can relate!
It truly fuels me.
xo, Amy
P.S. Let me know in the comments if anything I said here resonated with you.