Birth recovery—which is both difficult to prepare for and not frequently talked about—can be confusing and overwhelming, not to mention painful! On top of that, you’re caring for a newborn with nearly constant needs.
It’s a lot.
I want to address some of the more imminent concerns held by many brand new moms. I hope it can ease the anxiety often associated with the unknown, and provide some perspective on how to navigate this new experience.
The First Few Days
Some people tear during birth, some people don’t. Some have scheduled cesareans and some have emergency ones. Some have precipitous births (very quick) and some are in labor for days.
So many of these factors are unpredictable, and even in the most standard of situations, there is still so much left to chance and circumstance.
Once baby is here, it feels like the hard part is over… at first. I found it comforting to be in a hospital for the mere fact that there were people present who knew what to do. They knew when baby should be changed, bathed, and fed, and they knew when to check on me and tell me what I was cleared to do. There were supplies at the ready and I took solace in knowing that we were safe and cared for.
Once our time at the hospital was up, though, I loaded my tiny baby into her carrier and nervously waved goodbye to the competent nurses, wondering how I was allowed to leave without a manual of instructions for what to do next.
Each person going through postpartum will have different variations of the same general experience. In all cases, maternal healing needs to be done and baby has needs to be met.
I want to share some things about the earliest days of postpartum that I wish someone had told me my first time around.
These tips are not medical advice and cannot possibly apply universally. However, if we are aware of some healing strategies before we go through it, we may be better able to pivot as needed and get our needs met more efficiently.
Please add any strategies that worked for you in the comments so we can normalize helping each other get through these little-talked-about hard things.
Once you’re home
Use up the hospital supplies, then assess what more you need based on your bleeding and comfort level. Keep a peri bottle in each bathroom, which is used to rinse after using the toilet instead of wiping with toilet paper. Consider a squatty potty for easier bowel elimination.
You will be bleeding for a number of weeks, the length of which varies by person. It happens regardless of birthing method, so it’s a good idea to stock the bathrooms with supplies ahead of time if you can.
Perineal Healing
A sitz bath is like a soak for your nether region, cleansing and soothing it. Ice packs (if you need them) can be store bought or homemade from pads. Pain spray and witch hazel pads are typically provided by the hospital, along with mesh underwear, regular pads, gigantic pads, and disposable bed protectors. Bring them home with you, along with all the baby supplies you can (they throw away the diapers you don’t take). Place witch hazel pads on top of a maxi pad inside your disposable underwear for soothing. Spray the whole area with pain spray each bathroom visit.
C-section healing:
Resist the urge to scratch the incision. Once scabs are gone, you can massage the incision and use bio oil, scar balms, or silicone scar tape to aid in further healing and reduce scarring. Wearing high-waisted underwear can avoid irritation at the incision site and protect the area. See a doctor if you have redness, increased bleeding, increased pain, or discharge at incision site and/or fever of 100.4 or above.
No lifting anything heavier than your baby (super realistic, I know).
Belly Bands
Ancestrally, belly binding has been used to help internal organs and musculature go back to where they were pre-pregnancy, accelerating healing. It’s important not to wear a band too tight, as excess intra-abdominal pressure isn’t good for healing and can cause further issues. This is not a waist trainer and isn’t for getting smaller; it’s for efficiency of healing. For c-section moms, wait until incision is healed.
Adjusting to caring for a newborn:
In addition to caring for yourself postpartum (which is extremely important), you also have a brand new family member with a lot of needs. It can get overwhelming fast, so I’m here to (hopefully) ease your mind a bit.
There isn’t some huge revelation that happens when you bring a new baby home, magically instilling in you parental skills and confidence. It’s more like little adjustments and adaptations made over time as you learn each other, and it comes together through sheer necessity.
The following passage is an early postpartum entry from my journal, and it sums it up nicely:
“Tuesday, 3/7/17 *5 weeks old
It’s hard to believe I haven’t written since before little O was born. I had so many questions and concerns then about the birth, and now that it’s over I need to focus on how to be a parent and get through this initial period sane and with a child who is healthy (and alive).
Chaz and I still look at her with wonder, like how did we create a being so complete and perfect, who has all the right body parts in the right places, whose body functions like it’s supposed to and who is already showing signs of a personality? How did we get so fortunate to be her parents, to live this miracle? It truly is miraculous what has happened. I used to wonder, “How does a woman get through childbirth?” and “How do people know how to care for a newborn?” And the most basic of answers has revealed itself to me: They don’t have a choice.*
Giving birth isn’t something that’s achieved, it just happens and you can’t stop it. That’s how I “got through” it. I went into labor, Chaz drove me to the hospital, I got medication for the pain, and ten hours later I pushed like they told me to and she finally came out.
Now, people react to and handle the situation in different ways of course, but you do it because time ticks on and the baby must come out, simple as that. And once she’s born, they tell you what to do in the hospital, and you change the diaper when the line turns blue. You use a wipe to clean up the poop and before you know it you’re a diaper pro, wiping in the right direction and everything. You wipe their mouth when they drool or spit up. You keep burp cloths everywhere. You wash their neck folds in the bath once you realize their neck smells like baby puke. You get bodily fluids on you and your clothes but you realize you don’t care like you once thought you would.
You just accept that laundry will be done frequently in your house from now on. You get used to interrupted sleep and, if you have a supportive partner and family, you try to sneak naps when you can. And it’s not so bad. You call your baby a monster in the middle of the night to your spouse when she wakes up and it’s “not time yet.” And you let her cry for a few seconds to see if she really means it or if it was just a fleeting whimper. And then you get up and you say “Aw, sweetie, Mama’s here” and you feed her and love that she needs you. And you wait patiently for those intentional smiles to come. And you watch her cry and think she’s so damn cute at first, and then you try to figure out what calms her the best, like a riddle. And you feel so good when you successfully calm her, like you’ve figured her out- for now. We are getting through it and I think we are off to a great start.”
It’s emotional for me to relive this. It’s nice to reflect on a time when we were just so grateful to have her here that we didn’t mind the crying or the interrupted sleep. I viewed early postpartum as a surrender. Adherence to circadian rhythms and schedules of any kind were not my priorities, and I think that served me well. Of course, as time went on, building a routine was helpful and necessary for us, but it’s encouraging to know that when you’re in the thick of the early days, you take things as they come and before you know it, you (kind of) know what you’re doing.
There’s no certification for parenting, no final exam to pass. People enter into this role at all readiness levels. While it does not require a certain amount of preparedness, being prepared will have an impact on how well one adjusts to the changes that ensue. Those willing to learn, adapt, go with their baby’s flow, and snag moments of rest when they can will fare just fine over time. Before you know it, you won’t feel like a fraud calling yourself “mom.”
There is so much more to delve into regarding postpartum preparedness. I’m glad you’re here because talking about postpartum is kind of my thing. But for now, I just wanted to give a little insight into the first few days and weeks, and how you don’t have to be as scared as I was going into it.
Get some recovery supplies, understand that things won’t be predictable at first, and know that you can and you will figure this out.
Please share if you found this helpful and if you have anything to add to help a new parent adjust in the early days!
xo, Amy